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March 15, 2021“I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13
At the age of 15, this was the first verse I ever memorized. It is now a verse I think of when I need strength and a good verse to keep in mind as you read this post.
As a kid, I was healthy. In prayers I would hear people thank God for their health and as a young teenager I thought, “yeah, yeah, me too I guess.” Health wasn’t something I realized I should be thankful for because I had always had it and as a 15-year-old, I didn’t see it going anywhere. That was, until one day in late 2015, at the age of 15, I passed out on Thanksgiving, and from then on, my health would never be the same. I did not know it at the time, of course. I thought I just had overworked myself or had something bad to eat. I thought I would get a good night’s rest and feel better in the morning. But then the next day came and the next day and eventually it was Monday and I had to go back to school, but I still did not feel any better. It just felt like I was going to pass out any moment and I could not shake the feeling. In the end, what I thought was a reaction to some bad Thanksgiving stuffing or simply not enough sleep was actually the beginning of a chronic illness.
I was diagnosed within a month with POTS syndrome and to spare you the technical description, basically, my body decided to just forget how to function when I am standing. My body went, “you know how I like to keep blood flowing to your brain and heart when you stand so that you can function? I think I’m gonna just stop doing that.” POTS syndrome is not well understood yet and there is no one treatment and there is no one cause. Some people are only mildly affected, and others are bedridden and barely able to function. I’m somewhere right in the middle.
My life changed really quickly, and I ended up finishing my last two years of high school online from home and took two years of medical deferral from UVA before starting this past fall. I spent lots and lots of days in doctors’ offices, doing tests, getting blood drawn, and trying everything to feel better. All of a sudden, my life went from having order to chaos in the matter of one evening, but the ensuing faith journey was only just beginning.
In my newfound free time, I eventually came to realize something. When I was younger there was this sea of open doors and blessings that were mine and I stared at it every day but it never changed and so I took it to be a given. Then when the blessing of health was taken from me, I got upset, like I had a right to that blessing and it shouldn’t have been taken. But when I turned away from looking at the health I had just lost and the doors that had just been closed, I saw all the blessings and open doors I had neglected to be thankful for. He gave me amazing parents, a great childhood, food to eat, clothes to wear, a place to sleep, financial security, just to name a few. Even today, He has given me so many blessings that far outweigh the physical struggles I go through every day.
There have also been so many new blessings that have come out of my illness. I especially have loved the time I was able to spend learning from my parents, my grandmother, and the many, many members of my extended family that I know I would have never had the time to do with the busy life I was leading before. I also now have the ability to empathize with others who deal with chronic illnesses and I have met a lot of wonderful people who also deal with them every day.
It took me a while, but I eventually reached the point where I can love God, not despite my illness, but because even in the hardships He uses it to draw me closer to Him.
So, I may not be able to do all the things other 20-year-olds can do and I may not have the energy to attend all the events I want to. But it makes the good days and the things I can do even more special to me and I am thankful for all blessings in my life and for all the people who have helped me when I needed it.
I always remember now to thank God for the good days, and for the strength He gives me to get through the bad ones.
Hi, my name is Hannah Billing, and I am a first-year from Virginia Beach, Virginia. I have a love for all things plants and flowers, and I try not to take life too seriously because laughter truly is the best medicine (trust me, I know).