Dating Fast

“I found him whom my soul loves” ~Song of Songs 3:4

Last fall, I sat in the Adoration chapel. Among all the things that I could have been praying about: being in a new school, trying to make friends, and not being afraid to ask anyone for a ride home even when it’s dark, I was praying about the thing that I have been praying about for years… boys.

I finally realized that God would not lead me into a relationship until I was ready, and that getting ready involved a lot. I knew upfront that dating is a process of discernment, that I would not be defined by any one relationship, and that my fulfillment in life would not come from dating, or even marriage; it could only come from God. I needed to be in a relationship with God before I could be in a relationship with a significant other. No man can be my Savior except for Christ Himself, and no man’s love can fulfill me perfectly like Christ’s love does. However, knowing these facts was much different from understanding them or actually believing them.

I realized all that, and I wanted that relationship with God. “I’m doing it for Your sake, and not just so I can be ready to date.” I told God in prayer. I wanted to want God, and I believed that I was doing it for the sake of my relationship with Him, but I still couldn’t anchor my desires in Him alone. I was still feeling lonely and wanted love, validation, and emotional intimacy.

Fast forward a few months, and I was sitting in the back of a former FOCUS missionary’s car after FOCUS’s SEEK conference, driving from Indianapolis to Charlottesville. She told me about her experiences being on a dating fast during her time with FOCUS, she explained that it had led to much personal and spiritual growth.

So I, a single 19-year-old who had never dated before, decided to go on a dating fast…like fasting from meat on Fridays. Except, instead I’d be fasting from going on dates every day. No dates for me for the entire stretch between winter break and spring break. Gosh, this was going to be hard.

I didn’t really know what to call this, since you can’t really fast from something you didn’t have in the first place, so I explained it to others as “Jesus is my Number One, and there’s no room for a Number Two.” Emotionally, I was no longer single, and I focused my attention on Him whom my soul loves.

I decided to really commit to this new relationship. I would prioritize my time with Him. I would make a conscious effort to see Him. I started talking to Jesus the way I would talk to someone very close to me: when I was sad, I went to Him. When I was happy, I went to Him. When I was frustrated, I vented to Him. When I needed comfort, I welcomed His embrace, and He comforted me. These gradual results, however, were not the fruit of my own efforts in prayer. Jesus Himself guided me through many hours of Adoration. All I had to do was commit to letting Him be my Beloved, and He, in His love, pursued my heart.

In this relationship with Jesus, I found the intimacy with God that my heart had so desperately desired. I had someone to lean on and someone to love. God was able to show me who I was, and I could finally see myself as He sees me, rather than in the extremely critical way in which I had viewed myself before. I had needed this time to fall deeply in love with Jesus without any other distractions and to believe God after he had told me over and over how much He loves me.

So spring break came and went, my “dating fast” was over, and suddenly, the dates started pouring in. Just kidding. They didn’t. But finally, I truly believed and knew in my heart that being in a relationship with God wasn’t just a step to take before I was ready for a relationship, but it was the one relationship that I definitely needed, and could not go without. I knew who I was, and I had begun to have just a glimpse of the infinite love God has to offer us.

God is constantly calling us into a relationship with Him, and is always asking us to trust even more in Him, that we may fall deeper and deeper into His love. Say yes to Him, and allow Him to pursue your heart and love you in a way that no one else can.

This Valentine’s Day, remember to spend time with your Beloved.