God Woke Me Up

Fun fact: I go to Mass every Sunday. In fact, Mass is so integral to who I am that I simply cannot fathom missing it. At the same time, however, I sometimes go to Mass and work through the motions instead of recognizing the Mass for its beauty: a miracle of Holy Communion with God. 

During the Spring semester of my first year, I had an experience that I will never forget, and it started as a habit: with Mass. Every Sunday, my robot subconscious alerts me that I need to go to Mass, and oftentimes I will go as a robot: there in person, but not fully engaged with the message the Mass is trying to give me. 

This particular Sunday was different. At UVA, I have only ever gone to Mass at noon at the church, or at 9 pm Mass at the UVA Chapel. But that day, for some reason, I decided to go to the 4 pm Mass, a choice I had never made before. Mass was going along smoothly and routinely until the homily. During the homily, I had one of the most powerful experiences of my life. 

The priest opened the homily with politics. That immediately got my attention; I am fascinated by politics! He quoted the Virginia State Governor, who endorsed infanticide the previous week (as in, the death of babies outside the womb). He linked the Governor’s words to Catholicism by saying that the Catholic Church supports life in every sense of the word. This includes life inside the womb and life outside of the womb. The priest, in a peaceful and loving manner, said we shouldn’t support what the Governor said because it goes against our Catholic values. Instead, we should pray for him and work to show our love for all human life in our daily lives.

At that moment, I was thinking, “Yeah, this is definitely an above-average homily!” But I didn’t realize it was only getting started. I looked across the pew and saw a pregnant, single mother. The mother started crying in the middle of the homily. At that moment, time stopped for me. I zoned out on what the priest was saying. I couldn’t stop staring at the mother. Where is her husband? Why is she crying? I could only make assumptions, but I didn’t want to pass on judgement. 

Then, I started crying myself. I almost never cry, but here I was, in the middle of Mass, tears rolling down my face. I couldn’t imagine the pain the mother was feeling right now, especially in this extremely public setting. So many questions came into my head, but ultimately, I wanted to know: did she ever consider an abortion? 

I could not stop crying in Mass. Eventually, I got myself back into reality, but I had no idea what the rest of the homily was about. What was especially weird was the aftermath of Holy Communion. I saw the mother leave to go get Communion but never saw her return. The place where she was formerly sitting was instead occupied by a different family. She had completely disappeared! 

What did I just witness? 

As I walked back to my dorm after Mass, I texted all my Catholic friends for prayers and advice. When I finally got into my dorm room, I immediately called my dad. I didn’t know what I was gonna say. I didn’t even know why I called him. I dialed his number and simply sat in silence. 

“Hey, Jack, what’s up? How are you?”

Immediately, I started bawling my eyes out. I cried so hard. I didn’t say a single word. I was so emotionally distraught that I couldn’t speak and I was choking and coughing. I knew I was on speaker with my whole family, but I just couldn’t stop myself. My dad and my family consoled me, and eventually, I calmed down. 

That night, I had time for reflection. In this experience, God taught me two things. First, that His love knows no bounds, whether that love be for a pregnant woman and her child, or a naive first year such as myself, God will find ways to remind you that you are loved, and He will never let you forget it.

The second lesson I learned is that going through the motions hinders the practice of love, and the Mass embodies love through the person of Jesus Christ. More practically, I learned that the Mass should never be a habit: our hearts, minds, and souls must be engaged with the message we are receiving. We must take that message, apply it to our lives, and never let go. After this experience, God certainly got me to pay attention during Mass, and it’s been very effective since then. No longer is the Mass a box I need to check off. Mass is an opportunity to experience God’s divine love.